It’s been almost a year since you came out about your pronouns to friends and family. So long as people are actively cooperating, allow a grace period for adjustment.ģ. They should be able to acknowledge the mistake and move on quickly, too. When people use the wrong words, politely remind them and move on. I’m talking about people who love you, who are good to you, who plain old mess up sometimes. I’m not talking about people who are disrespectful, cruel, and/or refuse to accept your new pronouns. So when you first change your pronouns, be patient with friends and family who make genuine mistakes. For some reason, it seems new pronouns take longer to stick than a name change. I’m trans, and I have messed up people’s pronouns numerous times. Even people who are 100% supportive will probably screw up at first. We tend to use pronouns without thinking about them. Adjusting to a pronoun change can be pretty tricky. ![]() You’re already going out on a limb–you might as well go all the way out!Ģ. In general, though, I think it’s worth it to ask for the pronouns you really want. This might be a good option if you think there’s no way friends and family will come around or if you just don’t feel that strongly about it. It can be tempting to look for a compromise and ask for whatever you think is most likely to stick. You might be wondering whether people will take you seriously as a she or a he, whether people will play grammar police when you request singular they, or whether friends and family will be willing to learn a new set of pronouns like ze/hir/hirs. Requesting different gender pronouns can be a nerve-wracking prospect. How do you go about getting other people to call you by the right words?ġ. If coming out is safe and feasible, you might be ready to ask your loved ones to start using a new pronoun. Whether you want different pronouns because of your gender identity or your views on the gender system, it’s a challenging task. For many trans and gender-nonconforming people, gender pronouns are an important aspect of self-expression. Pronouns–those tiny little words that can hurt like a broken bone or be as delightful as a birthday present.
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